Dear Part-Time Colleagues,
Hope you and your loved ones are enjoying the last days of the winter break! A quick heads up about spring enrollment: as you may know already, the numbers look quite grim. COVID-19 and the problems of distanced learning don’t seem to mix well with our college’s proud traditions of screaming epithets at prospective students when they call the wrong office number and booting students out of their classes when their first tuition payment has been made but was recorded a few minutes late through the credit card transaction. As a result, the college will be cancelling many more classes than usual throughout the week. Even if your classes have decent enrollment, please understand you may lose a class or more due to bumping. Several full-time professors, who are required to teach 4 classes a semester, are seeing poor enrollment in their courses. My own elective, “The Post-Feminist Implications of Dance-Oriented Paintings in the Novels of Edith Wharton” (Tuesdays, 12:00-3:15), doesn’t look likely to survive. I know it’s never actually run since I created it 6 years ago, but I’m pretty sure this time it’s a COVID casualty.
Since there are going to be major staffing changes ahead of the first day of the semester, we understand that you might not be putting too much work into preparing for your courses. However, as you do write your syllabi, please see the attached document on the new required, 2-3 page “Course Goals” section. This should outline what you intend the course to provide the student with by the end of the semester. Please make sure it is substantially different from the older (and still required) “Outline & Goals of Course” section. We are confident that this addition to our already 150-page+ standard syllabus template is exactly what traumatized, low-income students need to realize the value of a college education. If you see this new requirement as an improper labor demand, I urge you to contact your union president: me.
For those frustrated by the impending loss of your livelihood, believe me, I get it. Perhaps a miracle will swoop down to save us…by “us” meaning “you.” But do try to understand life is bound to be difficult when you’re just not good enough to deserve a decent wage and job security.
Yours in Solidarity,
Professor Beelzebub
PS: If you lose all your classes, you might want to look at my second attachment: a coupon good for any medium-sized purchase at “Greatest Coffins,” a wonderful local business. Best wishes!
BABOUK FOREVER! 