Hi all,
Hoping you and your families are coping well with the ongoing pandemic! Perhaps you’re rediscovering some old hobbies; personally, I’ve been sewing a great deal. It has a cleansing effect on the mind, I think. When things are back to normal, I hope to run into some of you at the New York Sewing League, headquarters not far from our lovely campus! Anyway, much as I hate to interrupt you during midterms, we need you to complete an online tutorial by the end of next week. Make sure to watch the attached video (it’s only 2 hours and 45 minutes) before attempting the quiz below. You must receive at least 80% on the quiz but you will have unlimited chances to complete it satisfactorily. This one is different from our COVID preparedness tutorial, and our COVID awareness tutorial, and our COVID exit strategy tutorial. It’s also distinct from the seven active shooter tutorials you took last month. This one reflects the university’s recent decision to update some of its personal safety and internal security measures to correspond to the European Union safety and security acts of 2017. As you know, we had previously adopted the EU policies of 2014. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your service and professionalism, best of luck during midterms, and I hope to “see” those of you not being let go after this semester very soon!
Yours in Solidarity,
Professor Beelzebub
1. A student confides in you concerning a personal crisis. You should:
A. Comfort them and refer them to the college’s support facilities.
B. Have sex with them because they’re clearly vulnerable and open to it.
C. Tell them to stop whining because you don’t have time for losers.
2. The law that prohibits you from communicating with anyone outside tier A-1 supervisors in the bursar’s office concerning quarterly expense blueprints is:
A. The “Remunerative Affairs” section of the American Financial Transparency Act of 1973.
B. Paragraph 44 of the 28th addendum to the appendix of the New York State Investment Protection Opportunity Statue of 1989.
C. Part the Sixth of Ye Acte to Protecte Goodly Marchants, wherease the King’s Majesty hath decreed safety against the divers threates to commerce in this year of our Lord, 1430.
3. You receive an email from a person claiming to represent our university’s administration. They request your social security number for “background check” purposes. Your response should be to:
A. Not reply to the email and immediately contact security about it.
B. Send it to them because you’ve got nothing to hide and the whole operation sounds pretty snazzy.
C. Refuse to send them the number but reply saying that whatever con they’re pulling, you want in and you have lots of dirt to share for a good price.
4. The moving spirit behind the “Belgian opt out” concept in European Union security civil law is:
A. The proposals introduced at the Bruges summit in 1977 by Christian Bonnet, French Minister of the Interior under Prime Minister Raymond Barre and President Valery Giscard d’Estaing.
B. The theories of Baron Bengt Bengtsson Oxenstierna of Ekka and Lindo, first outlined in his Epistles to King Gustavus Adolphus, published in Sweden in 1625.
C. The “Crotchet Castle principal,” so named due to its original promulgation by British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan in 1959, and coined by Foreign Secretary Selwyn Lloyd on account of Macmillan’s taking inspiration from the novels of Thomas Love Peacock.
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BABOUK FOREVER! 